Why You Should "Rawdog" Parenting
Relax, it's not what it sounds like.
What do I mean by this, you ask?
Allow me to explain!
First, for those who don’t know, “raw dogging” is a crude term used to describe the act of intercourse without using protection. But it has been hilariously repurposed by the internet to describe submitting to grueling life experiences without the benefit of modern distractions, luxuries, technology, and conveniences. As far as I can tell, the meme was popularized by a young guy who posted TikToks of himself on 15-hour flights doing nothing but staring straight ahead at the flight map on the screen in front of him; no headphones, earbuds, phone, laptop, movies, music, books, or magazine. Not even a crossword puzzle. Extreme rawdoggers will even forgo food and water during the flight.
A GQ story on the trend described the trend in detail, and the reasons behind it. Men have “come to see rawdogging flights as a kind of challenge, like the Tough Mudder or No Nut November, the goal being to see how fully participants can deprive themselves of creature comforts, up to and including free snack and drinks and even bathroom visits. A true rawdogger takes no indulgences.”
“Raw dogging” a flight turns the tedium of a long flight and the frippery of watching the latest Zendaya trash movie into a test of mental endurance. In a world with no sword battles, clashing cavalries on distant battlefields, cannon fire, or villages to defend, simply rejecting Despicable Me 4 for hours of quiet contemplation becomes a masculine test of will power.
A challenge to see how long one can survive without the lazy crutch of modern gadgetries.
Not many of us are rawdogging daily life, of course. It’s hard out here on these streets without our little mother’s helpers (Instagram Reels). Most of us will whip out our phone to scroll social media when we are forced to wait in line at Starbucks for more than 17 seconds. Yes, we are weak.
Moms at the playground will push their toddler on a swing and between taking cute videos of them for Instagram will…check email, shop, and scroll reels.
I am an expert at multitasking: I can make dinner and empty the dishwasher while listening to music and posting on X. I will send 10 Instagram Reels to my husband and children before bed. I am guilty!
And my kids? They love technology. My daughter sometimes plays a horrible game called Roblox. It’s my job to limit it and police her tech use, and I sometimes don’t do the best job. I admit this. I am ashamed, guilty, owned. My under-14-year-olds don’t have smart phones or social media, but I still feel mostly like a failure.
But what if I told you… that it’s probably fine. It’s okay! Modern parenting is nearly impossible to “rawdog” as Luddites unless you are 1) An actual Luddite or Amish, 2) a homeschooling homesteader, or 3) able to maintain strict tech hygiene in a modern household. I have trad friends who do a very good job with technology hygiene. Their kids have zero access to phones or iPads, one shared computer for the older kids, occasional family movies, etc. I thank them for their service. I fall far short of this worthy standard, however.
But: there is still a way to “raw dog” parenting that goes far beyond screen time limits and not giving out phones in elementary school—and it’s much more important than shunning technological sorcery.
10 Tips for Healthy Rawdogging
Wait, did I just type that outloud? Bear with me here:
By “rawdogging” here, I mean shunning some common parenting strategies and mainstream parenting practices that actually will backfire, bigly. There are a few things I recommend rejecting as a parent that are even more important than monitoring iPad time.
This is not medical or professional advice. But after nearly 20 years of parenting and close contact with parents from every political faction and child-raising ethos, these are the ten best practices I’ve distilled for myself:
No kiddie shrinks. I had a kid once who was having angry outbursts, acted super volatile, and tended to overreact during normal sibling arguments. He would smash things, scream, punch a wall. He also refused most foods. In desperation, a child therapist (older white female, naturally) we found led us down a long, extremely pricy journey that once involved him lying on the floor and her stroking his head. After thousands of dollars that went nowhere, but put me and my husband on defense as parents, I decided to get a second opinion. It turned out he was highly gifted, which comes with its own set of issues. He also had sensory processing issues, which meant that he could get over-stimulated easily and that certain food textures were hard for him to choke down. He wasn’t getting the proper nutritional mix he needed to practice self-control. The solution was basic: he needed more protein and frequent meals. He was hangry! I let him leave dinner early and excuse himself from activities that were fun for other kids but got boring for him. I started packing him lots of snacks for after-school activities and when I knew he’d be going hours between meals. Bottom line: A lot of issues can be improved with diet and sensitivity to a child’s own particularities, moods, and triggers.
No kiddie drugs. On a few occasions a busybody pediatrician told me to get a young boy on ADHD drugs after observing him getting antsy in the exam room after waiting around for 45 minutes in a paper robe and a surgical mask with nothing to do while we waited. Pills seem like an imperfect, and potentially destructive, solution to dealing with hyperactivity in young boys. It really does seem like ADHD medicine is for the benefit of the nanny or the mom or the female teacher who wants them to act more like a little girl. Let boys be! Most will be totally fine without pharmaceutical intervention. I knew too many 20 year-olds who would chop and snort their Ritalin—I didn’t know at the time that this would be a parenting lesson!
No over-sexualizing. This one is easy to do for boys: you must make them aware early of the dangers of pornography and then fanatically monitor them for watching it. Some of my more liberal friends may scoff and laugh at the idea that teenage boys will exercise this level of control, but I am here to tell you it is possible. My teenagers skip through sus scenes in movies to this day. For girls, this is handled via clothes and makeup. I recently attended an L.A.-area private school Bat Mitzvah and several 7th grade girls presented as pint-sized Kylies, Baby Britneys, and Mini-Mileys. Parents: mini-dresses, Sephora face, and platform shoes are the gateway drug to thot-iness. You don’t need to dress your 16 year old in a prairie dress. But they have their whole lives to do adult-style glamour/sluttiness. They have just a few years to do fresh-faced teen.
No septum piercings: Just no. Never. Ever. These are for cows and genies, not lovely young women.
There are only two genders, and God assigned yours at conception. A lesson to teach them from toddlerhood on.
Go out of your way to be kind to old people. You’ll be one too, sooner than you think!
Don’t over-schedule them. I learned the hard way that I do not have it in me to be in the car from 2:30 to 7 PM doing “activities.” Our children played all sorts of sports and joined all kinds of teams and did all kinds of extracurriculars, but once they stopped showing interest—and I became the one forcing them into the car and begging them to put on their cleats or leotards or jerseys—I would pull the ripcord. To this day the phrases “Team Mom” and “Snack Sign-Up Genius” give me PTSD. Eventually they all settled into a couple things they really and truly loved. One even became a state record holder in powerlifting! And yes, I am blessed beyond measure that none of my kids were talented pitchers or batters or 6 foot 3 inch tall point guards recruited into year-round traveling teams. I’m sure those are super fun! Er, I guess I’m built different.
Avoid daycare if at all possible. I’ve written a lot about this. If you read me on X, you know how I feel about baby jailcare. At the end of the day, daycare is a band-aid on a larger issue, which is that it’s almost impossible to feed a family on one income. And yet, the period a child is very young is so short—and they barely eat anything for those first few years! If you can make the sacrifice for a few years, I promise it will pay off later with fewer behavior issues and a stronger bond with your children.
Have more than two. In other words, you should be literally rawdogging parenting. Engage in taboo bareback intimacy—no birth control of any kind!—with your life partner! I know it sounds forbidden and dirty, but I promise not to tell your neighbors and friends how naughty you are! Having at least three other children means there will usually be someone on hand to play with your children, babysit your children, run and get mom a diaper, help out around the house, and eventually even DRIVE your children to school and back! I haven’t used a babysitter in years, unless the rare occasion when both parents are out of town. Once you have a 10 year old, you no longer have to drag everyone to the supermarket. At 12 or so, you can go out to dinner without the kids. And older teens can even babysit overnight. It’s magical. (And the bareback part is a fun added bonus, wink wink)
Treat it like a long-term investment. You’re gonna have highs and lows. You’re gonna have some big dips. You’re gonna have market crashes when you feel like cashing out, liquidating it all and running away. When you wonder what in the world you were thinking. When you contemplate how you ever got yourself into this mess. Yes, even me. But then the dawn breaks and you realize that literally the only thing that keeps you from the abyss that hovers below all of us, all the time, are the little faces who call you Mom. So ride it out—it’s all upside anyway.
Thanks for reading!
—Peachy
My husband and I raised two boys in the early 80’s using most of your recommendations minus the smart phones. We wanted more kids but were warned of medical risk with a subsequent birth. However, never would we have dreamed 40 years later that we would be in the thralls of grandparent ecstasy. Six little souls have arrived one by one to expand our hearts and swallow our hours.
You parents who feel the weight of the world trying to raise your babies in these trying times, please hang in there for the greatest of rewards. Your future holds love and fun like you have never imagined minus the responsibility. We “rawdogging” grandparents can attest.
My parents practiced the art of raw dogging in the 60s. We were told we weren’t that special, not that good looking, and not that bright. We were told that the only way we would succeed is if we worked harder than anybody else. We had one television an old one growing up. We were forced to go outside and see the world and play with friends. In high school, we were left alone and given little guidance. Half of the time, our parents didn’t know where we were, but our family structure was strong and my brother and I so far have succeeded in life. Your advice is brilliant. I would only add not to give a trophy to your child for just being present.