My husband and I raised two boys in the early 80’s using most of your recommendations minus the smart phones. We wanted more kids but were warned of medical risk with a subsequent birth. However, never would we have dreamed 40 years later that we would be in the thralls of grandparent ecstasy. Six little souls have arrived one by one to expand our hearts and swallow our hours.
You parents who feel the weight of the world trying to raise your babies in these trying times, please hang in there for the greatest of rewards. Your future holds love and fun like you have never imagined minus the responsibility. We “rawdogging” grandparents can attest.
My parents practiced the art of raw dogging in the 60s. We were told we weren’t that special, not that good looking, and not that bright. We were told that the only way we would succeed is if we worked harder than anybody else. We had one television an old one growing up. We were forced to go outside and see the world and play with friends. In high school, we were left alone and given little guidance. Half of the time, our parents didn’t know where we were, but our family structure was strong and my brother and I so far have succeeded in life. Your advice is brilliant. I would only add not to give a trophy to your child for just being present.
Imagine if we started dressing up for air travel again and sitting in our seat without a phone. I have had some lovely encounters with fellow airport/airplane passengers/(prisoners)of late. People are ready. Even some masked people next to me removed their masks and entertained me for several hours.
Nice. We are old now (70). So our kids came of age in the 90s and early 2000s. I think it was a bit easier then. One thing we didn’t own was a TV. Still don’t. So there were never any fights over what was acceptable to watch.
Re: daycare. I think it depends on the circumstances. We lived in a small town, on a street with numerous families with kids. One of the moms had a neighborhood daycare. And her helpers were other moms (and one dad) from the neighborhood. So all the kids who participated were mostly just doing what they were used to doing, playing with the same kids. Many of those kids are still friends today, 35 years later.
TV. A problem for creativity and attention span, among other issues. This is not disputable. And Mo-Biles are TV on steroids. No TV for my children and my daughter has followed suit. You can see the difference in the kids.
Agreed. My daughter went first to a woman with teenaged kids who took in a few kids to pay her own children’s Catholic high school tuition. She was well taken care of, and treated like one of the extended family, which was nice, because I’m an only child with one child. At 4 years old, we switched to a preschool run by nuns, then have done Catholic school ever since that time. Daughters now a flourishing high school junior, secure in herself and abilities.
#10, all the way. When my tween asks why I'm enforcing some family rule and ruining his life, I reply, "Because it's my job as a parent. The pay sucks, but I like the work."
Spot on as usual, Peachy!! You aren’t there yet, but this 71 year old me is—- having a crop of
Children means- a crop of Grandchildren- if you and your hubby pray like mad- model a strong authentic Christian faith- pray for your future kid’s spouses- and do all you can to support the launching of your children by empowering them as adults. Of course nothing is a guarantee- but you are on the right track dear mom. All our children by the grace of God married well- all are practicing Christians- all are parents. 16 grandkids in 4 states means lots of opportunities for travel to and fro. And now as our some of our once “baby grandkids” hit their teen years we get another round of marveling at the way their lives are unfolding. Literally 3 minutes ago 16 year old Texas grandson- part of a Catholic hybrid homeschool program called to tell me he won the role of Friar ( ahem.. now I can’t recall
Which Friar- thank you grandma brain) in the school Shakespeare play next Spring. I promise you Peachy/ you and your hubby will have these kinds of moments long after I’m up with Jesus. Long live rawdogging parenting!!
Superb article, Peachy! People forget the real joys and challenges of being a parent - but having and raising kids is what were built for, all those generations ago.
I liken parenting to building those old-fashioned stick and tissue model planes: you build it, part by part, carefully gluing each piece in place, making sure everything is straight and properly aligned and correcting them if they are not. Then you make sure that it's balanced and test-fly it over tall grass to make sure that if it is out of trim, you re-trim it to make sure that it won't destroy itself on its first real flight. Then, when the time is ready, you wind up the rubber band and release it into the wind and hope for the best, because it will face gusts of wind and trees and falling on the ground on its own from here on.
I have an 18-year-old, in her second week away from us in college. I hope and pray that she flies well.
I LOVE YOU!!! I wish I'd started having kids way earlier. I wish I hadn't been such a bitchy, little feminist way earlier, too. Lots of overlap, there, not uncoincidentally. I was one of the lucky ones. At age 40, I gave birth to my one and only, who is now a Marine. He's, hands down, THE best thing that ever happened to me! We homeschooled through 5th grade, then moved out of the 'hood and put him in public school, where he thrived. His teachers borrowed stuff from me, like a piece of bowhead whale baleen or turtle coprolites I'd bought on ebay.
Wish I could've had more, but God blessed me with that one redheaded, blue-eyed Viking child.
Being a guy and even with six years in the Navy, I never heard It called rawdogging before. Must be a regional thing; in any case, I am blessed by the knowledge.
I had no idea what I was doing was special. I’ve been flying here and there a couple times a year or more since 1987, and used an aircraft “restroom” (seriously, a phone booth had more room) exactly twice. Just started bringing ear buds along last year, but I’m too cheap to pay to download anything, so I just usually sit there and think.
Having well spent my youth/adulthood reading some really great, some really okay and some sort of crappy and/or trashy novels, it would NEVER in a million years ever occur to me to go somewhere like a boring old AIRPLANE and not bring a book. Now that my books are all on my phone, even better! I might look like I am absorbed in the internet of things but odds are I am actually reading, most likely a book. Or listening to a book and playing solitaire at the same time. Sigh. Life is good!
How about dont get divorced. If you're not "happy" with your spouse but there is no abuse, just typical too busy, getting old, marriage blues...dont go seek "fullfillment" or "refinding your best self". Suck it up.
Peachy, oftentimes what you write gets me right here ❤️ and I tear up because you touch me so deeply.
Wanted more but the Lord only gave us one. We did all we could do she would not be a lonely only. Many enrichments and activities that were more as complicated scheduling as air traffic control at JFK. Yet she was exposed to a world of sports and music and art….and she is a rounder person because. Now pursuing masters in the sciences at a non-hostage (of either DEI or Hamas) university. Yes, they still exist.
Best “advice” received when she was a baby was this: your role as parents is to give them roots, but also give them wings.
Our girl may not yet be soaring, but she is in test mode and seems ready to fly. Btw: no piercings, no tattoos, doesn’t even like short shorts. Raised with modesty, is modest as a young lady/young adult. Has a darling and smart beau and it seems she can’t wait to get married. He has given her a promise ring, not quit engaged. Praying for them both. And you too Peachy. Good bless you and yours.
I concur with these, being at this parenting roughly the same amount of time as you! And screen management is just...ugh! A whole level of parenting on top of actual parenting, or at the very least, semi-intense policing if you actually care about content. When my oldest were little it was so easy...PBS Kids channel was pretty much all there was, and my only objections were Arthur and Caillou (couldn't stand whiny kids). Now PBS is meh... too much "social-emotional" content and far less actual educational learning. On top of that, with streaming devices, my younger kids have gotten fairly bourgeois attitudes about their watching habits. When you can pick and choose ALL the time, there are less natural limits, and as someone who is pro-limits in life this frequently feels untenable. If I were a better person, (or if my family joint venture partner and I agreed on more drastic measures... we mostly agree and he's cute so the arrangement is tolerable currently ;) ) we'd just get rid of the TV or the Roku or something, but the best I can do currently is not replace tablets when they break and take the remotes with me when I leave the house.
My husband and I raised two boys in the early 80’s using most of your recommendations minus the smart phones. We wanted more kids but were warned of medical risk with a subsequent birth. However, never would we have dreamed 40 years later that we would be in the thralls of grandparent ecstasy. Six little souls have arrived one by one to expand our hearts and swallow our hours.
You parents who feel the weight of the world trying to raise your babies in these trying times, please hang in there for the greatest of rewards. Your future holds love and fun like you have never imagined minus the responsibility. We “rawdogging” grandparents can attest.
My parents practiced the art of raw dogging in the 60s. We were told we weren’t that special, not that good looking, and not that bright. We were told that the only way we would succeed is if we worked harder than anybody else. We had one television an old one growing up. We were forced to go outside and see the world and play with friends. In high school, we were left alone and given little guidance. Half of the time, our parents didn’t know where we were, but our family structure was strong and my brother and I so far have succeeded in life. Your advice is brilliant. I would only add not to give a trophy to your child for just being present.
Imagine if we started dressing up for air travel again and sitting in our seat without a phone. I have had some lovely encounters with fellow airport/airplane passengers/(prisoners)of late. People are ready. Even some masked people next to me removed their masks and entertained me for several hours.
I remember flying before electronics… just the one movie everyone had to watch. And halfway decent food.
Nice. We are old now (70). So our kids came of age in the 90s and early 2000s. I think it was a bit easier then. One thing we didn’t own was a TV. Still don’t. So there were never any fights over what was acceptable to watch.
Re: daycare. I think it depends on the circumstances. We lived in a small town, on a street with numerous families with kids. One of the moms had a neighborhood daycare. And her helpers were other moms (and one dad) from the neighborhood. So all the kids who participated were mostly just doing what they were used to doing, playing with the same kids. Many of those kids are still friends today, 35 years later.
TV. A problem for creativity and attention span, among other issues. This is not disputable. And Mo-Biles are TV on steroids. No TV for my children and my daughter has followed suit. You can see the difference in the kids.
Agreed. My daughter went first to a woman with teenaged kids who took in a few kids to pay her own children’s Catholic high school tuition. She was well taken care of, and treated like one of the extended family, which was nice, because I’m an only child with one child. At 4 years old, we switched to a preschool run by nuns, then have done Catholic school ever since that time. Daughters now a flourishing high school junior, secure in herself and abilities.
Loved raising my children. Miss it every day. As a family we read and loved “The book of virtues” by Bill Bennett
I believe smart phones should be illegal until at least age 16. Very dangerous. We restrict tobacco and alcohol as they are dangers as well
I prefer the term free ranging to rawdogging kids, but what the hey.
& your; "...be kind to old people. You’ll be one too, sooner than you think!" Tell me about it! At 85 I see getting old just around the corner! ;-)
https://www.freerangekids.com/
Lenore Skenazy (sp?) already uses that to mean kids not being helicopter parented.
#10, all the way. When my tween asks why I'm enforcing some family rule and ruining his life, I reply, "Because it's my job as a parent. The pay sucks, but I like the work."
Spot on as usual, Peachy!! You aren’t there yet, but this 71 year old me is—- having a crop of
Children means- a crop of Grandchildren- if you and your hubby pray like mad- model a strong authentic Christian faith- pray for your future kid’s spouses- and do all you can to support the launching of your children by empowering them as adults. Of course nothing is a guarantee- but you are on the right track dear mom. All our children by the grace of God married well- all are practicing Christians- all are parents. 16 grandkids in 4 states means lots of opportunities for travel to and fro. And now as our some of our once “baby grandkids” hit their teen years we get another round of marveling at the way their lives are unfolding. Literally 3 minutes ago 16 year old Texas grandson- part of a Catholic hybrid homeschool program called to tell me he won the role of Friar ( ahem.. now I can’t recall
Which Friar- thank you grandma brain) in the school Shakespeare play next Spring. I promise you Peachy/ you and your hubby will have these kinds of moments long after I’m up with Jesus. Long live rawdogging parenting!!
Superb article, Peachy! People forget the real joys and challenges of being a parent - but having and raising kids is what were built for, all those generations ago.
I liken parenting to building those old-fashioned stick and tissue model planes: you build it, part by part, carefully gluing each piece in place, making sure everything is straight and properly aligned and correcting them if they are not. Then you make sure that it's balanced and test-fly it over tall grass to make sure that if it is out of trim, you re-trim it to make sure that it won't destroy itself on its first real flight. Then, when the time is ready, you wind up the rubber band and release it into the wind and hope for the best, because it will face gusts of wind and trees and falling on the ground on its own from here on.
I have an 18-year-old, in her second week away from us in college. I hope and pray that she flies well.
I LOVE YOU!!! I wish I'd started having kids way earlier. I wish I hadn't been such a bitchy, little feminist way earlier, too. Lots of overlap, there, not uncoincidentally. I was one of the lucky ones. At age 40, I gave birth to my one and only, who is now a Marine. He's, hands down, THE best thing that ever happened to me! We homeschooled through 5th grade, then moved out of the 'hood and put him in public school, where he thrived. His teachers borrowed stuff from me, like a piece of bowhead whale baleen or turtle coprolites I'd bought on ebay.
Wish I could've had more, but God blessed me with that one redheaded, blue-eyed Viking child.
Keep preachin' , sistah!
Being a guy and even with six years in the Navy, I never heard It called rawdogging before. Must be a regional thing; in any case, I am blessed by the knowledge.
I had no idea what I was doing was special. I’ve been flying here and there a couple times a year or more since 1987, and used an aircraft “restroom” (seriously, a phone booth had more room) exactly twice. Just started bringing ear buds along last year, but I’m too cheap to pay to download anything, so I just usually sit there and think.
Having well spent my youth/adulthood reading some really great, some really okay and some sort of crappy and/or trashy novels, it would NEVER in a million years ever occur to me to go somewhere like a boring old AIRPLANE and not bring a book. Now that my books are all on my phone, even better! I might look like I am absorbed in the internet of things but odds are I am actually reading, most likely a book. Or listening to a book and playing solitaire at the same time. Sigh. Life is good!
How about dont get divorced. If you're not "happy" with your spouse but there is no abuse, just typical too busy, getting old, marriage blues...dont go seek "fullfillment" or "refinding your best self". Suck it up.
Peachy, oftentimes what you write gets me right here ❤️ and I tear up because you touch me so deeply.
Wanted more but the Lord only gave us one. We did all we could do she would not be a lonely only. Many enrichments and activities that were more as complicated scheduling as air traffic control at JFK. Yet she was exposed to a world of sports and music and art….and she is a rounder person because. Now pursuing masters in the sciences at a non-hostage (of either DEI or Hamas) university. Yes, they still exist.
Best “advice” received when she was a baby was this: your role as parents is to give them roots, but also give them wings.
Our girl may not yet be soaring, but she is in test mode and seems ready to fly. Btw: no piercings, no tattoos, doesn’t even like short shorts. Raised with modesty, is modest as a young lady/young adult. Has a darling and smart beau and it seems she can’t wait to get married. He has given her a promise ring, not quit engaged. Praying for them both. And you too Peachy. Good bless you and yours.
Good philosophy. We have several families who have or are rawdogging. One with 11 kids another 12, another 8, another 5. They certainly rawdog.
WOW-awsome!
I concur with these, being at this parenting roughly the same amount of time as you! And screen management is just...ugh! A whole level of parenting on top of actual parenting, or at the very least, semi-intense policing if you actually care about content. When my oldest were little it was so easy...PBS Kids channel was pretty much all there was, and my only objections were Arthur and Caillou (couldn't stand whiny kids). Now PBS is meh... too much "social-emotional" content and far less actual educational learning. On top of that, with streaming devices, my younger kids have gotten fairly bourgeois attitudes about their watching habits. When you can pick and choose ALL the time, there are less natural limits, and as someone who is pro-limits in life this frequently feels untenable. If I were a better person, (or if my family joint venture partner and I agreed on more drastic measures... we mostly agree and he's cute so the arrangement is tolerable currently ;) ) we'd just get rid of the TV or the Roku or something, but the best I can do currently is not replace tablets when they break and take the remotes with me when I leave the house.