(This) Jew for Jesus

Happy Easter to my fellow converts this Jubilee year!

Sadly, I’ll never be Jewish enough for real Jews or Catholic enough for super trads. I’ll always be a“Nazi” to dysgenic leftists and spittle-flecked neverTrumps, and a “dirty Jew” to the neo-Nazis.

As a Catholic convert, there’s always an explanation required. People want to know about “my journey.” Well, it’s complicated. But as some of you may know, I am a little more than half Jewish (Mischling Plus!), and my mother is pure-blood Ashkenazi, but I was raised secular, with a big Christmas, the Easter Bunny, and zero connection to any religious beliefs, of any kind.

My husband, also raised secular, converted early in our marriage shortly after a painful miscarriage. I came into the Church later on—11 years ago this Easter—but I have been attending Sunday mass since 2004.

Truly, mine is a fake-it-til-you-make-it conversion story.

Or rather, if you hang around a bunch of religious Catholics long enough and watch them receive Communion every Sunday without you, soon you may be struck by the urge. It was a real “I’ll have what she’s having” moment, without the pastrami sandwich.

The real reason for my conversion is that contemplating scripture after removing all the usual obstacles that scare you off—social approbation, peer pressure, fear, shame—can only lead you to a single conclusion. It was real.

Many don’t know, but this is how the Last Supper really went down.

If Jesus was not real, of course, he was either a sociopathic magician, or a demon, but both of those options also require the mass conspiracy or delusion by many witnesses, including the witness of his sworn enemies.

Those options are therefore even less plausible than the truth.

The simplest explanation of all is that, yes, somehow the Son of God was born to a human Jewish woman 2000 years ago in a podunk village in the Middle East. How did this happen? Why did this happen?

Don’t ask me—I don’t even know how the can opener works!