Peachy's Guide to Normal Colleges
Save yourselves!
What a time to be the parent of a high school junior or senior. (Or in my case, both).
College application season used to be one of nervous anticipation, glossy brochures stuffed in the mailbox, and visits to leafy campuses where cute co-eds lounged on lush green lawns.
Now it’s like visiting a war zone with tear gas in the air, brick buildings covered in graffiti instead of ivy, and overweight nonbinary theybies shrieking incoherently into megaphones.
What is a sane parent to do?
When I applied to college, I had virtually zero parental involvement. I mailed away for the paper applications myself, typed them up myself (on an actual typewriter), wrote my own essays (no one helped me or proofread them for me), and mailed them off.
I got into a bunch of places and ended up going to the best school I got into—yes, an Ivy League university. At the time, the school’s acceptance rate was something like 30%, and I was a legacy, and I had good grades and a high SAT score (well, very high verbal, not quite as high math).
Today my alma mater has something like a 3% acceptance rate and is a festering hive of gender orcs, Hamas kids, Jew haters, Trump haters, white haters, communists, and nonbinary furries. The beautiful Gothic stone buildings are hidden by tents and signage year-round. Instead of watching the leaves change colors, you can just watch the signage lining the main campus walk change from BLM in the fall, to Hamas in Winter, to Pride in the springtime.
You know summer’s almost here when the pink and blue banners are unfurled from every lamppost and flagpole! The sights and sounds on campus include the persistent drumming and chants by braindead zombie hordes screaming for “rights” they claim they don’t have—despite winning the lottery and getting a free ride to a top ten university—and police sirens.
I would never have allowed my son to apply, let alone attend, one of these hellish places. I knew he had no shot anyway. A blessing!
So should you give up on college and sign your smart kid up for plumber school?
No! Do not despair! You CAN launch a child successfully without dealing with the woke madrassas or with stacks of rejections thanks to their unfortunate pale skin or irreversibly straight male gender.
I spent last year learning how to apply to college in the woke era and I am here to share what I learned. I hope this guide is helpful to you!
PEACHY’S LIST OF APPROVED COLLEGES
A lot of places have been publishing “alternative” lists of colleges. The “new Ivies” they call them. Do not be fooled! These lists include just as many DEI-poisoned hellholes filled with the Hamas junior league as the real Ivies.
Forbes posted an article titled: “The New Ivies: As Employers Sour On The Super-Elite, These 20 Colleges Shine.” But only two of the schools on their list made my list. The other 18 (Northwestern, University of Virginia, UT Austin, for example), have either hosted destructive Hamas summer camps or been otherwise infected with the woke mind virus and do not appear on my list. You may disagree!
My list includes schools that multiple people have recommended to me, most with first-hand experience. My list also includes some of the schools from the Cardinal Newman Society guide, a carefully vetted list of 23 “real” Catholic schools.
Note: I have not yet visited most of the places on my list, so I cannot guarantee that these schools are all 100% pristine, but I’m confident that all of these will let your child avoid the worst excesses of the culture. Tell me if I’m wrong about any of them!
I also included some schools that made my own college list because they are either big enough to accommodate normal kids or geographically blessed in a place that is mostly right-wing and Christian, and therefore much less likely to tolerate rainbow terrorism. My current high school junior wants to major in Engineering, so some schools with good engineering programs also made this list.
What to Look For In a School
The easiest way to vet a school is to see how often they use the word “diversity” or “inclusion” on their website. The more they use these words, the lower your chance of getting in if your child falls on the paler side of the skin spectrum.
For example, our local state system, the University of California, rejected my star student this spring, as did USC. In fact, no white kid I know got into a single UC school this year! A few did get waitlisted at UC Merced, the bottom feeder of the UCs.
Ten or 15 years ago, all of these kids would have waltzed into their pick of the UCs. That era is over for good.
Step two is to find out if they force students to share a dorm room with a trans student who is the opposite gender. The UC schools force you to dorm with the opposite sex, for example, based on whatever gender they identify as.
Can you imagine forcing your daughter to sleep in a tiny dorm room with a full grown man? I guess liberal parents think this is totally fine. Maybe they give their daughters ear plugs so she won’t have to listen to her roommate dilating his front hole three times a day.
There is another way!
Without further ado, here is my list of high quality, excellent, and mostly or totally unwoke colleges:
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