Never Let a Midlife Crisis go to Waste
Dispatch from Peachlandia
Happy Great-GrandMILF Day!
Greetings, subscribers and happy belated Mother’s Day and Great-GrandMILF Day to all who celebrate!
It’s been a wild couple weeks, lotta ins, lotta outs, lotta what-have-yous. I don’t even know where to begin!
In culture news, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue came out. Remember when Derek Jeter’s supermodel girlfriend was on the cover? And then he proposed to her? This is not allowed anymore. This magazine has become the new Current Thing catalog. Hot young chicks in bikinis are out. Very old women and very male women are in.
A few years ago, it was all very large women. Then very large black women. Now it’s men with smattering of senior citizens. Martha Stewart, 81 years old, made a splash in her sexy cover photo. She looks incredible. Behold the magic of a high quality deep plane facial, a few Ozempic shots, and a bunch of other procedures I never heard of.
No judgment; if Jeff Bezos is allowed to buy mega yachts, Martha can get whatever face she wants. When I’m in my eighties, I’ll have what she’s having. But still, it’s crazy that this American beauty institution, the SI Swimsuit issue, has been so completely colonized by the beauty deconstructioners. It’s tragic.
Bring back hot chicks, please. Or else we’re getting this very soon:
But unfortunately, even America’s beer companies have cancelled hot chicks in bikinis. Miller somehow didn’t get the memo from Bud Light and released this ad, if it can be called that, featuring an angry feminist jeremiad against using hot blondes in string bikinis to sell beer. She explains how her and her team of Miller girlbosses are shredding all the bad bikini posters—and composting them.
Miller Beer executives: May I suggest you compost your stock price? Because it’s about to head straight into the dirt.
The beer commercials are coming from inside the Longhouse!
Summer Is Coming
We’re in the home stretch of the school year. I am counting down the days left until summer break because I. Cannot. Pack. Another. Lunchbox. You know that feeling. When I am very old I will shuffle past the lunchbox display at Target and I will have a PTSD flashback of making half a dozen PB&J sandwiches at 6:30 in the morning.
In other happy news, the Federalist invited me to be a Senior Contributor. The Federalist is a superb publication with awesome people and I’m very glad. I am still Contributing Editor at The American Mind, of course. They made me the internet micro celebrity I am today!
This week, The Federalist published a new article of mine on the unjust arrest of Daniel Penny, New York’s subway hero. “Daniel Penny Deserves A Medal, Not Jail Time.”
Here’s a quote:
Who can forget then-President Barack Obama’s plaintive love letter about Trayvon Martin, a teenage burglar killed during a struggle with neighborhood vigilante George Zimmerman in 2012? Obama said: “If I had a son, he’d look like Trayvon.”
Well, 24-year-old Daniel Penny looks like he could be my future son-in-law.
This article was a follow up to another piece I wrote about Daniel Penny: “No Country for Brave Men.” The published it on May 5th, and a couple days later I was sitting at home in the morning enjoying my coffee, scrolling Twitter, when my father-in-law called me. “Turn on Dennis Prager. Turn it on right this second,”
I did, and to my amazement, Dennis was reading “No Country for Brave Men” in its entirety, live on the air.
Needless to say, I am now my father-in-law’s favorite daughter-in-law.
And a few days after that, I was invited onto Dennis Prager’s iconic radio show. I have bene listening to Dennis for years whenever I get the chance. My in-laws even took us to see him speak live years ago. He’s a talk radio institution with a massive audience. What was supposed to be a twenty minute chat turned into almost an hour.
You can listen to the whole show here. I appear in the entire second hour. For the first segment I was patched in their studio zoom portal, and there was some sort of delay—I couldn’t hear it, but the audience did. They called me at the break and we switched to the phone, which was much better.
Happy to announce that I will be going back on his show next month.
The next morning I went on the Mark Davis show, another institution, this time in Dallas, followed immediately by an interview on Aaron Flint’s Montana AM radio morning show.
Of course this is all in the wake of Fox News cancelling Tucker, and with it, my appearance on his show (I wrote about this tragic turn of events here), which was going to be June 6th—the day my book comes out.
I guess I have a face for radio, what can I say?
FREE DANIEL PENNY. Donate to his legal fund here.
War Against the Normies
The martyrdom of Daniel Penny is just the latest skirmish in the government’s war against the normies. I wrote about it this week for The American Mind in “War Against the Normies.” Here’s a quote:
I used to be a normie. I come from a long line of normies stretching back through time to my first normie ancestors, who set foot on these shores, looked around, and thought, where should we put the TV, honey?
2023 is shaping up to be a bellwether year for normies and all their pesky norms. Are you still a normie? Do you ever lay awake at night wondering why it seems like everywhere you look, American society seems to be actively working against you?
God bless normies. Normies, of course, are the people who wander among us blissfully unaware of the man behind the curtain. They don’t yet have that thousand-yard stare from a tour in country on the front lines of the culture war. They’re still wondering which bat Covid came from and hey, speaking of bats, did you hear about the new Batman movie? But they can sense that something has gone wrong in their beautiful land. Something is amiss and there is no one to call to fix it.
Sometimes I miss being a normie, but you can never go back. You can never unknow. You can never unsee. You and I are in this together and we are just going to have to keep marching forward.
The New Current Thing: Natalism
Some of us are out here trying to pull America out of its nosedive. One pathway to salvation lies in natalism.
“Natalism is an ideology that promotes the reproduction of human life as an important objective of being human and advocates high birthrate.”
We should all becoming pro-natalists, since babies are a vital national resource and the supply chain of infants has run dty. Some very smart people understand this and are doign something about it. Next fall, the first-ever Natal Conference will take place in Austin. I will be there—will you?
Here is the lineup of speakers—not too shabby!
Have babies. The more the better!
And speaking of conferences, an incredible Catholic education conference is taking place in Los Angeles in June. Adeodatus aims to restore and renew Catholic K-12 education, and not a moment too soon. Check it out! Discounts are available for students and teachers. You can learn more here.
And speaking of having more babies, my newest baby arrives on June 6th. Have you pre-ordered it yet?
Thanks for reading! More soon.
—Peachy
P.S. You can pre-order my book here, and don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @keenapeachy. One of you might even be my 30,000th follower!
SI still around? The swimsuit edition was always an “acceptable” porn magazine. It’s demise like “American” Beer companies is both predictable and welcome.
Congratulations on your well deserved success.
If you had not arrived on the scene, there would still be a peach-size hole in my brain.